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Falling in Love with Jesus
by Angie Hillman
I feel like I have a huge hole in my heart that nothing can fill.
I was desperate and impulsively confiding in my company's Marketing VP after requesting some time off from my job. She then spoke words that would change me forever: Angie, you need God in your life.
The next thing I knew, I was praying the sinner's prayer. While I didn't have a clue about what it really all meant, I did feel relieved now I could be sure of going to heaven and get on with the rest of my life.
I didn't feel comfortable going to church at first, but eight months later I decided to give it a shot. It was there I learned that accepting Christ into your heart was much more than a ticket to heaven.
As I began to read the Bible for the first time, I came across Matthew 7, which told me I could ask God for what I needed and receive it. So I prayed, Please give me a husband. . .or someone to fill the gap. I'd had boyfriends throughout my adult life, and they'd lavished me with gifts from taking me on vacations to furnishing my apartment to helping me buy a car. None of those relationships fulfilled me, but I wasn't used to being on my own. But then, the next verse I read in my Bible study was Psalm 46:10: Be still and know that I am God (NIV). That was the first time I felt God speaking to me directly through His Word. From that time on, I spent every waking moment reading my Bible and getting to know Him.
Within two years, the Lord had transformed my life to such a degree that I hardly recognized myself. One night I walked along the beach and asked Him for the second time to give me a husband. I wanted to share my new life with someone.
A few days later, I got a note from a friend, and at the bottom of it was written Psalm 27:14. I ran to my Bible to find out what it said, sensing this had to be an answer to my request for a husband. Much to my dismay, it was. It read: Wait for the Lord, be strong and let your heart take courage. Yes, wait for the Lord.
I was so disappointed! When I mentioned my dismay to a Christian friend at work, his response floored me. He said, You know, you're right where my wife was before she met me. She realized she needed to fall in love with the Lord before she could really love someone else." I pondered that strange comment for days and finally came to the conclusion that, in truth, I prayed and read the Bible more out of a sense of obligation than love. My heart still wasn't completely in the right place.
That night, I asked God to teach me how to fall in love with Him. I actually giggled when I prayed this prayer it seemed so strange to me. I had known Him as my Savior and Provider, but I wasn't sure if He could answer a request so personal!
But I was in for the shock of my life.
A few days later, a friend called to invite me to go on a women's retreat she was leading called Tres Dias, which stood for three days with the Lord. Someone had dropped out at the last minute, and a slot was open at the last minute. My friend said that the leaders had asked God to pick the person He wanted to come and my name was chosen out of a hat.
When I excitedly told my friend what my prayer had been, she went silent. Then she said, I have to tell you this. Each retreat we do is based on a scripture. This one is based on a passage from Hosea 2:14-23.
It says: "In that day," declares the Lord, "you will call me `my husband'; you will no longer call me `my master.' I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord (v. 16,19-20 NIV).
I stood there with the phone in my hand and wept, because I knew that God was again, speaking to me. As my roommate watched the whole scene unfold, she asked what was happening. All I could say was, Man, He's flippin me out!
That weekend I was wooed by the Lord like no one else ever had. It seemed He'd had all my favorite things arranged to be there the whole weekend was like a wedding! At the end of the three days, I went to the altar and promised that I would never ask for a husband again I would let Him be my husband.
That's when the real adventure began. From then on, God made Himself known to me in hundreds of ways some in the little things (which were actually a big deal to me) that showed me how complete and personal His love for me was.
One night, I was getting ready for bed and a sample of perfume fell off my makeup tray. I held it up and thought, Lord, it's been so long since I've had nice perfume, because all the men in my life used to buy it for me. I immediately caught myself and confessed that I'd rather have Him than a bottle of perfume! Life with Him had become so much sweeter than any relationship I'd had with a man. The very next night, I went to a Christmas party, and they were giving away door prizes. They held up a huge fragrance basket from a major department store and called my name.
As I went to get my prize I could not believe that the Lord would lavish this on me in such a meaningful way.
A little over a year later, I began going to a tiny church of about 75 people. As the pastor announced the upcoming Valentine's dinner, I thought to myself, I'm definitely not going to that! I was one of four singles in the entire church. Then the Lord gently spoke to my heart and said I want you to go. So I threw my name in the offering plate.
A few days later as I was getting ready to go to the dinner, a co-worker casually asked me why I still didn't have a Valentine. (People get concerned if you're well over 30 and unmarried!) I explained to him that the Lord was my Valentine. He was impressed with what God had done in my life, but said, That's great, but you still need flesh and blood.
I said, No, you really don't. But when I thought about that, I realized that there was one little thing that I missed about not having a
boyfriend: getting a massage. I worked out a lot and was constantly sore across my shoulders. I'd often say out loud, Lord, if you could just give me a massage, I'd never need a man!" My coworkers thought I was crazy.
When I arrived at my church for the dinner, they were giving away door prizes. They held up this gorgeous necklace, and I thought to myself, Lord, I would love that. But I didn't win it. But the next prize was a one-hour massage and I won it! My boss, who had heard my crazy line about wishing God would give me a massage looked at me in amazement from across the table. She said, I don't know how you do that.
I replied with a laugh, I don't; He does.
Back when the Lord first told me to be still and get to know Him more deeply, if I'd known then that it would be seven years before I'd date again, I think I would have killed myself! But when I finally sensed Him telling me that He was about to bring me my husband and that it would be the best thing that happened to me besides Him, I actually got upset.
The thought of someone coming between us was terrifying to me. God had done such an incredible work in my heart that I actually didn't want a husband anymore. I just wanted Him. That in and of itself is a miracle.
Just one month later, I ended up meeting the man I would marry nine months from then. But that's not the end of the story. Even though my husband is a wonderful man whom I love deeply, Jesus still remains the source of the greatest romance of my life. He took a woman who wasn't seeking Him at all and transformed my life in a way that's best described in 1 Peter 1:8: Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy.
And that's what I call falling madly in love.
Angie Hillman and her husband are the founders of Marketplace Leaders, a ministry that helps professionals discover and fulfill God's unique purposes through their workplace calling.
To learn more, visit www.MarketplaceLeaders.org.
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And they have built out of thee the wastes of old, The foundations of many generations thou raisest up, And one calleth thee, 'Repairer of the breach, Restorer of paths to rest in. Isaiah 58:12 (YLT) Thou shalt also decree a thing, and it shall be established unto thee: and the light shall shine upon thy ways. Job 22:28 (KJV)
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