Psalms 37:4-5 “Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it.�

You are trying to make something happen. It is taking a lot of emotional and physical energy and you are operating in stress. You are beginning to feel desperate that this thing will never happen. Your moving in stress is causing the very thing you desire to move away from you. Just lay it all down now, and seek God. Delight yourself in Him. He has always prepared better things for you than you have been able to achieve on your own. But you have not always seen it this way. Rest in Him and He will change your desires into His desires for you. God has your best interest in mind.
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If there is any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow human being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again.
tamja@sister2sisterministries.net